There’s not a person alive who is ugly. Now dead people, they disgust me.

“My fingernail itches. I need to scratch it with my skin.”

“I collect things that collect dust. Like dust jackets. Despite no fingerprints …”

“Consumerism has a religious day called Black Friday.”

“I say yes, turn the other cheek, and let me slap your butt again. Forgiveness c…”