Things I’ve learned the hard way: #1) When you’re making a door-to-door sales pitch, make sure your shorts aren’t so short that your dick dangles out of them.

“A blanket could be used to trap my love in, before it dissipates out into the w…”

“If I weren’t married, and I didn’t have a girlfriend, I’d ask that girl out. Bu…”

“The piece of junk is a piece of me. It’s a part of my family, and I can’t part …”

“I wrote something for my local newspaper, but nobody read it because it got bur…”