This book does not exist. And if that doesn’t deter you from buying it, then I’m also selling frozen alien flesh, a patch of Bigfoot’s fur, and a patch of land on Pluto (limit one per customer).


“Love is an art. Mine could fill a museum the size of your heart.”

“There was fried chicken in the litter box, so I helped myself and took a shit. …”

“I could put the journal in journalist, but I’d rather supply my diary.”

“Sometimes I give automated responses to people without even listening to what t…”