This looks like a job for inadvisably applied magic if ever I saw one.

“He was certain he was anorectic, because every time he looked in a mirror he sa…”

“Belief sloshes around in the firmament like lumps of clay spiralling into a pot…”

“There was a wicked ole witch once called Black Aliss. She was an unholy terror.…”

“Multiple exclamation marks,' he went on, shaking his head, 'are a sure sign of …”