To say that I grew up without parents is a lie, because I haven’t grown up yet. Also, all six of my potential parental candidates are still alive.

“I’ve got to have kids of my own. If not, who’s going to ascend to my throne?”

“The months roll by like wheels on a wheelchair. Pretty soon it’ll be July. Feel…”

“I’m like Twain, Nietzsche, and Dali in that I have three mustaches. (I have two…”

“It's really hard to drive, talk on the phone, and jack off at the same time. An…”