Too many men have died in the name of old age. I know, because my grandmother was one of them.

“A brick could be used in place of a parachute, and a blanket could be used as a…”

“When I saw her naked, my penis went from hash brown to French fry.
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“Murdering a mute to silence him is overkill.”

“The best thing to do with a seven-year-old is wait until they’re eight to tell …”