Try my all-you-can-eat vomit soup. Sadly, people don’t want seconds, because they don’t even want firsts. But it tastes great. I tasted it on the way down—and then again on the way up.

“God gave man two ears and one penis hole for a reason. I’m not sure what that r…”

“Sword and words—same letters, and same ability to cut down.”

“I want to save the environment. I like being green as much as the next Smurf.”

“If laughter came in paste format you could squeeze out of a tube, I’ll bet nine…”