Try not to wake up on fire.

“On a quick side note, I would argue that--much like Samuel L. Jackson--I am not…”

“Before going home with a guy, give him a blow job. Guys are always more relaxed…”

“Prom night can be a special night, if you let it be. I know you think it's for …”

“6th grade. My dog, Katie, is hit by a car and killed. A mean girl during recess…”