Twitter: Up to the minute details that are minute. I’d like to update and reaffirm my love for you every sixty seconds.

“Half of what I write is garbage, but if I don’t get it down on paper it decompo…”

“My thermos does such a good job of keeping my tea hot that it feels like I’m dr…”

“Love is like learning to ride a midget, which I’ve never done because I’m afrai…”

“She had a smile like tomato sauce on Tuesdays, and she made my penis feel like …”