Two days from now I invented a time travel machine out of my neighbor’s washing machine. I can’t go back yet, as they still have several loads of laundry to do.

“A blanket could be used to spread the love around. Tuck it in at the edges, so …”

“For your birthday I’ll give you 100 copies of your least favorite author’s book…”

“Blankets could be used as scapegoats for global warming. But why blame the blan…”

“I’ll name my firstborn child Squiblob, after his mother.”