We broke up because we weren’t going anywhere. I kept telling her, Hitchhiking takes patience.

“My wife and I make love every night, sometimes even to each other.”

“A brick could be used to help you become the next Great American Novelist. Hope…”

“A blanket could be used to settle disputes. Hold my penis while I demonstrate h…”

“I’m writing a book, one letter at a time. After thirteen days, I just finished …”