We danced together. We didn’t look graceful, but how could we? She only had one leg and I had my eyes on her friend the whole night. Sure, her friend couldn’t dance either, and literally had two left feet, but I’ll take two left feet over one left foot any day.

“I take humor very seriously. I also take it three times a day, with meals.”

“My love is like the collision between a falling statue and still bird poop.”

“If I could have money for any amount of time, I’d take 12:59.”

“Agatha told me she was late, and I thought, I haven’t slept with her in years—s…”