We made love like an earthquake, which was nice because neither one of us had to do any work.

“I got you a birthday present. The box is the exact same size as a coffin.”

“What’s next to my bed? One night stand, though personally I find them morally o…”

“A meme, what is it? Is it a doubly selfish cultural reference that’s all about …”

“I have a nervous lips tick, so naturally I try to cover it up with lipstick.”