We made love like water makes life, and thinking about it makes me so horny I’m thirsty. My cup runneth over, but if I want to play, I have to protect myself with a jockstrap.

“If love were a porch light, I’d be the moth. And you’d be the freshly-pressed p…”

“With my wedding photography business, I want repeat customers. So hooray for di…”

“I put the lover in clover. Especially if there are four leaves.”

“I would be an organ donor, but I’d much rather donate a piano.”