What you consider gross—dead rats—I consider considerate gifts.

“I’m so constipated that every time I go to shit, the only thing that comes out …”

“I just took a little nap. I stole it from an infant.”

“A blanket could be used to help acclimate your body for your after death experi…”

“I’m a magician. I can make food appear—and out of my penis, no less.”