Wheelchairs won’t kill you. And cigarettes won’t paralyze you. Stick a wheelchair in your mouth and smoke it.

“Amputate your leg, and attach it to the underside of your wobbly, three-legged …”

“The man with two plungers for hands never wipes his ass, but he also never clog…”

“I was hot so I gave myself a haircut. I then saw a bald man sweating, so I offe…”

“I’m an open book—an open book I’m still writing and editing. My book is a roman…”