When I have to be in two places at once, my mind at once decides twice which one place to be in.

“My legs are so skinny they’re like arms on a clock. And the stars are like 1-12…”

“In high school I got voted most likely to get voted for something. Even though …”

“If I have to beat you up to keep you safe, that’s just what I’ll do. It’s this …”

“A brick could be used to dispel the very same lies that a blanket could be used…”