When I meet a European, the first thing I say is, “I’d much rather watch football than football.” But I’m just teasing them, and they know I’d really rather watch football than football.

“If you can’t respect me as a banana, then I’m not sure how you can respect me a…”

“There are whiskers in my soup, and my spoon smells like my cat’s ass.”

“A blanket could be used to cure the common cold. I mean, come on it’s just comm…”

“This place reminds me of the time I had amnesia. I think. It also reminds me of…”