When I wear my confessional glove it’s super tempting to give myself a velvet handjob.

“Too bad my car key won’t start my house. And to answer your unasked question, n…”

“Do either a brick or a blanket have Buddha nature? The answer is yes and no and…”

“Love is the science of reducing your sound while upping the amplitude of anothe…”

“I'm the Chuck Norris of Chuck Norris quotes, and I make love like Chuck Norris,…”