When someone is talking about their job, and they turn to me and ask me what I do, I stare off into space, let my eyes glaze over, and wistfully say, “I often wonder what I’m doing.

“I meant to spend the day writing, but instead I spent the afternoon cleaning ou…”

“When someone I admire turns out to be a rather normal guy, I get offended becau…”

“I’m sure I look memorable in my tuxedo, and she looks gorgeous in her wedding g…”

“I want to drum up interest for instruments that are played by beating them with…”