When someone says, “One last thing,” it never is. Unless they die right after speaking. Make sure that they do. 
Check their pulse to be certain.

“I blink like a blanket. I’m not asleep—this extended motionlessness is how I ma…”

“Love is like war, except without all the blood and death and stuff.”

“My penis isn’t big. It just appeared that way because the midget’s hands were s…”

“Everywhere I go I'm too focused on everyone else to realize that they are too f…”