When your family dies, that’s a bummer, but that’s life. When my family dies, it’s a tragedy and the world is unbalanced and biased.


“I’m great at making love, at least for the first 20 bucks, and for about 30 min…”

“The cucumber is just about the healthiest sex toy ever.”

“He’s a monk, the fifth of his kind. I call him Monk E, and he is a primate.”

“Jarod Kintz Day—it’s not just my birthday, but it should be a holiday that’s ma…”