Who inspires me to write? My clone. I just want him to appreciate me as a person.

“I just took a shit that smelled like a dentist’s office. Open your mouth.”

“My wife is younger. At one point, I was twice her age. Of course, I was six at …”

“Before I walked into the door, the room got shades darker as a cloud did a summ…”

“I’d never shoot shrapnel at a bear, because why ruin a perfectly good rug like …”