Why do old people drive slow? They have the least amount of time left on earth, so you’d think they’d drive the fastest, to make the best use of what little time they have.

“A mechanical toothbrush is the greatest oral device in the history of the sex t…”

“A blanket could be wrapped around people who’ve recently been electrocuted, bec…”

“She told me she has her eye on me, so I said, And what do you have your other e…”

“I’ll put some ice in your coffee, to cover up the fact that it was already cold…”