You don’t have to tell me why, if you tell me why you won’t tell me why. Or at the very least tell me why you won’t tell me why you won’t tell me why.

“I went to the priest for confession, but he didn’t do it.”

“When I turned 30, I was done with Thousand Island dressing. I have moved on to …”

“Last night the secrets of the universe were revealed to me, and they had nipple…”

“I didn’t shave my mustache off. Instead what I did was taped Elton John’s assho…”