You don’t need brass knuckles to discover if a man has a glass jaw. All you need to do is stick his face in a dishwasher, and then check for water spots.

“I talked to a calzone for fifteen minutes last night before I realized it was j…”

“I can fly a plane, but I can’t fly a planet. Not without a seatbelt the size of…”

“We danced together. We didn’t look graceful, but how could we? She only had one…”

“It’s a real pleasure accepting an award—for someone else. Especially if they ar…”