You haven’t lived until you’ve wiped your ass with a pile of sand. Toilet paper doesn’t measure eternity the way the sands of time do.

“She was very close to my heart. Even though we were separated by a distance of …”

“Give yourself a hug, and while you are embracing yourself, use that time to hol…”

“I was nervous. Like an ice cube, I just froze up. Then I melted in some strange…”

“You should shoot. I should shoo.”