The covers of this book are too far apart.

Ambrose Bierce

Tag: humor attributed-no-source books wit criticism



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Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Ambrose Bierce

Tag: food religion



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Bigamy, n. A mistake in taste for which the wisdom of the future will adjudge a punishment called trigamy.

Ambrose Bierce


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Impiety, n. Your irreverence toward my deity.

Ambrose Bierce


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Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.

Ambrose Bierce


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The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

Ambrose Bierce

Tag: humor-dogs



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Cynic, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are not as they ought to be.

Ambrose Bierce

Tag: honesty cynicism definition



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Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.

Ambrose Bierce

Tag: humor children child definition mothers clothing clothes mothering sweaters



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HOMICIDE, n. The slaying of one human being by another. There are
four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and
praiseworthy, but it makes no great difference to the person slain
whether he fell by one kind or another -- the classification is for
advantage of the lawyers.

Ambrose Bierce

Tag: humor funny homicide



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An absolute monarchy is one in which the sovereign does as he pleases so long as he pleases the assassins.

Ambrose Bierce


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