Children are like poems. They're beautiful -- to their creators -- but to others they're just silly and fucking annoying.

Doug Stanhope


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If you start to smell some of the shit, you start smelling all of the shit

Doug Stanhope

Tag: government shit smelling



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Life is like a movie, if you've sat through more than half of it and its sucked every second so far, it probably isn't gonna get great right at the end and make it all worthwhile. None should blame you for walking out early.

Doug Stanhope

Tag: comedian doug stanhope



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Life is like a movie, if you've sat through more than half of it and it’s sucked every second so far, it probably isn't going to get great right at the end and make it all worthwhile. None should blame you for walking out early.

Doug Stanhope


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f you're gonna have a pro-drug argument, start the argument where it starts: I have the right to do what ever the hell I want to my own body, if it kills me slowly, happy for me, fuck you, "clack clack" (miming a pump-action shotgun) stop me!

Doug Stanhope


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Life is like animal porn, it's not for everyone.

Doug Stanhope


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Everything that is going to kill you is extremely appetizing.

Doug Stanhope

Tag: comedy stand-up doug-stanhope



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