I’m sorry, babe. I’m sorry I hurt you. I was stupid. I fucked up. I thought I was doing you a favor by keeping things light. I thought I was helping you when I left. But now, I see… it was the biggest mistake of my life. You gave me something precious, you gave yourself to me, and I threw it away. I’m not makin’ that mistake again, babe. Never again.
E.M. AbelHey.” Marcus cupped my cheek with his rough hand and lifted my face, so I would look at him. “If you wanna be free, Asia, all you have to do is see yourself through my eyes. If you could see how beautiful you are, what an amazing artist you’ve become, how you light up a room just by walking into it, you would realize that you have no reason to keep yourself locked up. You should be proud of who you are, babe. ’Cause you are amazing.
E.M. AbelBut I was also angry. I was angry with myself for giving my heart to someone who didn’t even know me, let alone love me back. I was ashamed that I’d tried to be someone I wasn’t just so I could feel wanted.
E.M. AbelMy shield might make me an asshole, but your shield acts more like a cage. It keeps you locked up.
E.M. AbelHere I was, thinking Marcus was going to profess his undying love for me and beg me to take him back, but he was just sitting there— cool, confident, unaffected Marcus, eating his goddamn roast beef sandwich.
E.M. AbelI always wanted to get fucked by a bad boy.”
“Oh, that wasn’t fuckin’, babe. That was something else.
This is just my luck. Every time I try to go out and have a good time, someone ends up getting punched!
E.M. AbelLiving with only men hadn’t been the environment for sharing feelings and crying over a bucket of ice cream. I’d been raised to suck it up and keep moving, so that was what I did.
E.M. AbelJay made me nervous, and I wasn’t used to feeling like that. I was usually laid-back and easygoing, but when I was around him, I found myself holding back. I was afraid of revealing too much, afraid of showing him something he wouldn’t like.
E.M. AbelTears started to cloud my vision, and a single stream fell down my face. Wiping my cheek, I straightened my back and looked into my eyes. I wanted to make my mom proud. I wanted to show her I could be strong. Marcus had been wrong. I wasn’t free, but I wanted to be. I was tired of hurting, I was tired of being scared, and I was tired of doubting myself. I had to stop looking for love. I had to stop looking to other people to fill the void I carried in my heart.
If I wanted to be whole, if I wanted to be free, I had to be the one to cut the chains.
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