A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Emo Philips

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You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

Emo Philips

Tag: emo-philips

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I'm not a fatalist; even if I were, what could I do about it?

Emo Philips

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I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Emo Philips

Tag: religion humour

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Some mornings it's just not worth it to chew through the leather straps.

Emo Philips

Tag: humor emo philips

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I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

Emo Philips

Tag: humor paradox imaginary-friend

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Never judge someone until you've walked a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do judge him, you're a mile away and you have his shoes.

Emo Philips

Tag: humor

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