I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.
Garrison KeillorTag: life
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Evelyn was an insomniac so when they say she died in her sleep, you have to question that.
Garrison KeillorTag: humor
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Sex is good, but not as good as fresh sweet corn.
Garrison KeillorThe highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out his nose.
Garrison KeillorOne reads books in order to gain the privilege of living more than one life. People who don't read are trapped in a mine shaft, even if they think the sun is shining.
Garrison KeillorNothing you do for children is ever wasted.
Garrison KeillorTag: children
Librarians, Dusty, possess a vast store of politeness. These are people who get asked regularly the dumbest questions on God's green earth. These people tolerate every kind of crank and eccentric and mouth breather there is.
Garrison KeillorTag: librarians
A book is a gift you can open again and again.
Garrison KeillorTag: books
I used to think that kid might become a preacher. Now I don't see how he's going to stay out of prison. Nobody in this family ever went to prison for sex crimes. He'd be the first."
Yes," says Jesus, "you never know about these things."
He and Grandpa are drinking cups of coffee and eating ginger snaps. Grandpa says, "When are you planning to return to earth?"
Soon as I finish this coffee," say Jesus. "Pretty good, isn't it.
And then I stand in front of God's Throne squinting up at His blazing glory and He says, 'You had your opportunities, boy. But did you listen? No. You went on heedlesly reading that garbagey magazine with pictures of naked girls in it. How juvenile! I gave geese more sense than that.'
Please, God. I'm only fourteen years old. A teenager. Have mercy. Be loving.
I was,' says God. 'For eons. And look at what it got me. You.'
God turns in disgust, just the way Daddy does. 'Sorry, but I'm the Creator. I take it personally. There are slugs and bugs and night-crawlers I feel better about having created - I mean, there are sparrows - I've got my eye on one right now. Is that sparrow consumed with lust? No. He mates in the spring and that's the end of it. Consider the lilies. Do they think about lily tits all the time? No. They look not and they lust not, and yet I say unto you that you will never be half as attractive as they. Therefore, I say unto you, think not about peckers and boobs and all that nonsense and your Heavenly Father will see that you meet a good woman and marry her, just as I do for the sparrow and walleye - yea verily, even the night-crawler and the eelpout. But I've told you this over and over for nineteen centuries. And now, verily, it's too late. Time's up, buster. Lights out! Game's over!
Tag: christianity god religion jesus
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