The vampire stared at me, his mouth slack as Ghastek assessed his options. I took a couple of forms from my desk, put them into the vamp's mouth, and pulled them up by their edges.
"What are you doing?" Ghastek asked.
"My hole puncher broke."
"You have no respect for the undead.

Ilona Andrews


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It took a qualified wizard to detect a summoning in progress. It required only a half-literate idiot with a twitch of power and a dim idea of how to use it to attempt one. Before you knew it, a three-headed Slavonic god was wreaking havoc in downtown Atlanta, the skies were raining winged snakes, and SWAT was screaming for more ammo.

Ilona Andrews

Tag: humor



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Not only will you sleep with me, but you will say 'please.'"
I stared at him, shocked.
The smile widened. "You will say 'please' before and 'thank you' after."
Nervous laughter bubbled up. "You've gone insane. All that peroxide in your hair finally did your brain in, Goldilocks.

Ilona Andrews

Tag: humour



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If my luck held, it wouldn't be a handsome Greek demigod looking for the love of his life or at least his love of a couple of hours.

Ilona Andrews


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Now was not a good time, but we didn't often get to chose the time to repay our debts.

Ilona Andrews


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Just to make sure the odd humanoid aberration doesn't get away, always pin it through the nuts.

Ilona Andrews


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He said 'woman' in the same way I'd say 'Mmmm, yummy chocolate.

Ilona Andrews


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The kind of eyes that jumped from a woman's dreams right into her morning and made trouble in the marriage bed.

Ilona Andrews


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Shave that jaw, brush that hair, tone down the crazy in the eyes, and he would have to fight women off with that crossbow.

Ilona Andrews


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Now climb, young grasshopper, so your Kung Fu won't be weak.

Ilona Andrews


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