Note to self: It's hard to attain a state of no-mind when you're incredibly pumped up on tea and sugar and have to urinate every three and a half minutes.
Jordan SonnenblickIt's amazing--my parents call everything a discussion. If I were standing across the street, firing a bazooka at my mother, while my father was launching mortar back at me, and Jeffery was charging down the driveway with a grenade in his teeth, my parents would say we should stop having this public "discussion".
Jordan SonnenblickTag: humor parents euphemism arguments
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Rehearsals and practice times by myself are like these little islands of 'Okay' in a vast sea of 'Holy Crap!
Jordan SonnenblickTag: music
Not, like, that, boychik, you sound like a herd of elephants charging through a music store.
Jordan SonnenblickInstead of agonizing about the things you can't change, why don't you try working on the things you can change
Jordan SonnenblickWho’s that?
That’s the King.
Who’s he?
The Duke.
Who’s she?
The Princess.
What do they call you?
The Count.
What does that make me?
Umm…how about the Peasant?
And the name stuck.
Steven, I know I phrased that as a question, but it was really a command.
Yes, but mine is…ummm…private.
Private, Steven?
Yes, Miss Palma.
PRIVATE Steven?
Again with the capital letters?
Did you really JUST fall, Jeffrey?
Why does everybody in my family talk in these dramatic CAPITAL LETTERS all the time? Why am I the only calm one?
Well your mom was right, in a way.
What do you mean?
He DID fall, right? So he wasn’t safe on the stool.
Thanks, Annette. Thanks a lot. That’s exactly what I needed to hear right now. You’re a very inspiring person, you know that?
Steven, I look like a raccoon.
You do NOT look like a raccoon.
Actually, he looked like some deranged anteater, but I didn’t figure that would be the thing to tell him.
Yes, I do. Oh, no. What if I stay this way forever?
You’re not going to stay that way forever, Jeffy. People get black eyes all the time. If they never got better, the streets would be crowded with raccoon people. Soon the raccoon people would find each other and breed.
I was on a roll here.
The preschools would fill up with strange ring-eyed children. Soon the raccoons would be taking over our streets, stealing from our garbage cans, leaving eerie tails of Dinty Moore beef stew cams in their wakes. Gangs of them would haunt the malls, buying up all the black-and-gray-striped sportswear. THE RIVERS WOULD RISE! THE VALLEYS WOULD RUN WITH…
Steven you’re joking, right?
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