You're like a tornado of bullshit right now. We'll talk again when your bullshit dies out over someone else's house.

Justin Halpern

Tag: humor



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Don't touch that knife. YOU never need to be holding a knife... I don't give a shit, learn how to butter stuff with a spoon

Justin Halpern


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See, you think I give a shit. Wrong. In fact, while you talk, I'm thinking; How can I give less of shit? That's why I look interested.

Justin Halpern

Tag: humor



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People are always trying to tell you how they feel. Some of them say it outright, and some of them, they tell you with their actions. And you have to listen. I don't know what will happen with your lady friend. I think she's a nice person, and I hope you get what you want. But do me a favor: Listen, and don't ignore what you hear.

Justin Halpern


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The worst thing you can be is a liar. . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two.

Justin Halpern

Tag: dad justin-halpern shitmydadsays



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Do people your age know how to comb their fucking hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their head and started fucking.

Justin Halpern


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The dog is not bored. It's not like he's waiting for me to give him a fucking Rubik's Cube. He's a goddamned dog.

Justin Halpern


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You're ten years old now, you have to take a shower every day...I don't give a shit if you hate it. People hate smelly fuckers. I will not have a smelly fucker for a son.

Justin Halpern


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On Lego's

"Listen, I don't want to stifle your creativity, but that thing you built there, it looks a pile of shit.

Justin Halpern


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Why would you throw a ball in someone's face?...Huh. That's a pretty good reason. Well, I can't do much about your teacher being pissed, but me and you are good.

Justin Halpern

Tag: humor



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