Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.

Lily Tomlin

Tag: humor apothegm complain



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When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.

Lily Tomlin

Tag: humor inspirational funny goals-in-life wish



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We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.

Lily Tomlin

Tag: men sex evolution masturbation naughty



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I said "Somebody should do something about that." Then I realized I am somebody.

Lily Tomlin

Tag: life motivation



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No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up.

Lily Tomlin

Tag: cynicism



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Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then--we elected them.

Lily Tomlin


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The best mind altering drug is the truth.

Lily Tomlin


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The road to success is always under construction

Lily Tomlin

Tag: motivation



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Does your mind feel more and more like teflon? Nothing sticks to it?

Lily Tomlin

Tag: humorist-extraordinaire



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If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

Lily Tomlin

Tag: truth-beauty-library



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