I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.

Mitch Hedberg

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I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.

Mitch Hedberg

Tag: humor

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I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.

Mitch Hedberg

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Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

Mitch Hedberg

Tag: reading books children literacy children-s-books

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