This sent me into an inappropriate laughing fit. I wasn't allowed to get angry, and I couldn't cry, so I laughed - a lot. (114)
Monica HollowayThe truth was that in the end, sad felt better than rage - a lot better. But rage came easier. Sad felt like the world was ending. (150)
Monica HollowayI wished there had been obvious signs of destruction on all of us kids: bruises or burn marks, something that indicated how violent our house was, but words and neglect don't leave visible marks. And that confuses even the person who knows better. (169)
Monica HollowayAs usual, there were no obvious signs. And it would be a secret that my boyfriend had punched me in the face and terrorized me with a rifle for two and half hours - because it was more important that Mom keep up appearances than keep her children safe.
Monica HollowayThat night, JoAnn didn't want to leave, but she knew she had to go. She understood, in that quiet hour, things that only people who've walked to the edge know. Dying seemed almost compassionate - a way to escape the living hell. (283)
Monica HollowayI'd been right, even when I was in fourth grade and saw Sarah Keeler lying in her coffin: When you're dead, no one can hurt you. (228)
Monica HollowayMy whole life, I wanted to be dead, but I didn't actually do anything about it. I guess I didn't want to be dead; I wanted relief. I wanted to be happy and peaceful." "That's it," she said. "It's not about dying; it's about stopping the pain." (289)
Monica HollowayJust as Sarah Keeler had taught me that children die, Wendy taught me that you don't have to wade through the insanity; you can get off the bus. This scared me so much that a sweaty panic swept over me. From that moment on I knew it was possible to end my own life. (157)
Monica HollowayI'll always be damaged in a way. I had hoped that I could completely heal those cracks, but I'm starting to think the real trick is learning to live a full life in spite of them. Cracked people are everywhere, and so I can forgive myself for being overly anxious or easily frightened. But I will no longer allow myself to be swallowed by my past. I insist on having the happiest life I can muster, and I am in control of that now.
Monica HollowayKnowing there is no cavalry is much better than hoping for a cavalry that never comes. I am strong because I have to be. I am the cavalry. (314)
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