I've buried a lot of my laundry in the back yard.

Phyllis Diller

Tag: housekeeping laundry



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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

Phyllis Diller

Tag: parenting



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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Phyllis Diller

Tag: sleep funny anger



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Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.

Phyllis Diller

Tag: humor women



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I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Phyllis Diller

Tag: humor parenting



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Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.

Phyllis Diller

Tag: children housekeeping



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Housework won't kill you, but then again, why take the chance?

Phyllis Diller

Tag: humor housework



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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

Phyllis Diller

Tag: humor



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We spend the first 12 months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next 12 months teaching them to sit down and shut up.

Phyllis Diller

Tag: humor parenting



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My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.

Phyllis Diller

Tag: philosophy-of-life



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