If you've never woken up from a car accident to discover that your wife is dead and you're an animated, rotting corpse, then you probably wouldn't understand.

S.G. Browne


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My mother tries to explain that I need support and that I'm just going through a period of adjustment. "Like puberty," she says.

S.G. Browne


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If you've never been in a dumpster coated with industrial waste while someone stabs you with a piece of sharpened rebar, then you probably wouldn't understand.

S.G. Browne

Tag: humor sci-fi



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The thing about Prejudice is, he has Tourette's Syndrome." from Fated by S.G. Browne

S.G. Browne


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Jimmy nods. Being with him like this, without the attitude and looking at me with complete trust, almost makes me understand why parents would go through the trouble of dealing with all of the bullshit of having kids. Then I remember how he told me I smelled like cat pee, and the moment passes.

S.G. Browne


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It's not surprising that he doesn't have any manners. Most kids today don't. But if you ask me, it's a direct reflection of bad parenting. I can say this with complete certainty because I've never parented a day in my life and I enjoy making sweeping generalizations about how other people do a piss-poor job at something about which I have absolutely no experience.

S.G. Browne


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This growing attached to people really sucks.

S.G. Browne


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How am I supposed to take it easy when all around me these creatures are in a perpetual state of ignorance?"...

S.G. Browne

Tag: mylifeinretail



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If I could blush, I'd be a third degree sunburn.

S.G. Browne


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All these commercials about health and diet and fitness. All of these ads for waistlines and libidos and teeth whiteners. If you're not taking care of yourself or eating right or exercising, if you're overweight or you have a small penis or you don't have bright enough teeth, then there's something wrong with you. Spiritually. Physically. Morally. Instead of being defined by your actions, you're defined instead by your smile. Your sexual performance. Your percentage of body fat.

S.G. Browne


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