A candle that smells like asshole would be an instant hit in prison.

“I was nervous. Like an ice cube, I just froze up. Then I melted in some strange…”

“William Penn would be a great pen name. But for love letters to manicured lawns…”

“My apartment complex isn’t. In fact, it’s rather simple.”

“The only sad part for me about getting a cat from the pound is that I can only …”