A pen is a phallic symbol you can write with. But so is a cucumber dipped in ranch dressing or semen.

“The best time to complain is right after you’ve come up with a solution to the …”

“Cap’n just jumped on the bed and says we should take a nap. And who am I to arg…”

“Every leap year I like to jump. It’s a good way to get my daily exercise in eve…”

“Life isn’t so bad. I’m not fat (unless you’re Gandhi), I’m not short (unless yo…”