A wife is a friend first, a lover second, and third and probably most important, a maid.

“I wrote a song called "Stinky Sodomite." It isn't a pop song, a historical song…”

“My friends mess around with my friends—and my friends’ bikes. Sex with bicycles…”

“My wallet isn’t empty—it’s full of hope. Thanks, Obama!”

“If instead of saucers, UFOs looked more like breasts, I’ll bet there’d be a lot…”