A writer edits his thoughts more thoroughly the more readers he has. You can tell I only have two readers, myself included.

“I ought to fire one of my two employees into the other one’s asshole.”

“You tell me you love me, but I’m not sure you know what love is, or how fast it…”

“We had a blast at my magical birthday party. There were midgets, fairies, glass…”

“I like to get to-go boxes at restaurants where not only did I not eat in, but a…”