After a good run, my legs feel like Jell-O. Somebody get me a spoon and stick a fork in me.

“Today is Wednesday. That makes it my Wednesday. It also makes Tuesday my Monday.”

“I was fashionably late in my unfashionable clothes.”

“I met her at the beach. Her name was Shelly.”

“On your birthday you should throw me a party. This is my advice for everybody, …”