After reading one of my one-liners a few years ago, a former professor of mine looked up at me and said, “You remind me of Mark Twain.” And whatever resemblance I bore, I owe to my former mustache.

“Pain produces progress. So if you truly love me, you will try to hurt me as muc…”

“I am cursed. Everybody around me dies. It just might take a hundred years for t…”

“I fight with the strength of many lion meows. I love even more ferociously.”

“Can you drop me off at work? Just pull up to the front and pop the trunk and I’…”