Am I the only guy that holds a flute of champagne like it’s a musical instrument?

“I wasn’t dead, I was asleep. There’s a difference, however slight. That subtle …”

“The police called it choking, but I called it a two-handed neck hug. That’s how…”

“I’m older now than my dad was when he was my age. Wait, that’s not right. That’…”

“Mow the carpet, vacuum the lawn, and make love like war.”