Are there any sleeping jobs, because I have a lot of experience. Years and years, actually. And with on the job training, I can show up to work tired.

“I’ve only been with my girlfriend for three days, but it feels like a lifetime—…”

“When you carry a gun, everything starts looking like a sword. If you pass the b…”

“I gave her a Boston cream pie, even though we were in Seattle at the time.”

“The abbreviation for Brazil, BRA, makes me think of breasts. I have no idea why.”