Before bed I do a bit of light reading. I’m reading a 50-pound book on midgets.

“Love is 90% what life is about, plus or minus 10%. Of course, I just made both …”

“In high school I attended a magnet school—for refrigerators.”

“Kill all the prisoners, because they’re costing us too much money. Wait! No, ki…”

“To save the environment—and my childhood memories, I merged a gas station pump …”