Birthdays are like politicians. I don’t like any of them, but they still keep coming around.

“I had a dream my house was on fire, and I tried to rescue all the cats—and none…”

“Just because you don’t have an arrest record doesn’t mean you’re not a criminal…”

“I want to mass produce wretchedness. An unsatisfactory factory. Then I want to …”

“If you want to find dirt on me, wait until after I’m dead and buried.”